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Jes Suis Charlie Hebdo?

February 18, 2015

Satirical art is meant to get people thinking. And a picture is worth a thousand words. But is an attack on someone’s identity taking free speech too far?

The murder of the Charlie Hebdo (CM) employees by two Muslim terrorists was reprehensible (an attack which came in response to the satirical cartoons placed on the cover of CM’s magazine mocking Islamic religions founder, Mohammed). Despite the horror and unrighteous nature of the attack, we should probably ask ourselves, are there are times when our freedom of speech goes too far? If not, then why are we beginning to send people to jail for “hate speech?” Isn’t that keeping a double standard? Let’s examine this issue from both sides of the coin. Because the subject deserves a thorough investigation, this will be a longer than usual article, but hopefully an enjoyable and informative one (please like, comment, and share! Thanks!).

Western societies tolerate satirical art quite well. As Americans, we greatly value our freedom of speech and will gladly go to war to fight for everyone’s right to free speech. And I wholeheartedly agree, even if that means you will speak out against the things that I value or you hurt my feelings. Our Lord endowed us with these freedoms. It was with these freedoms in mind that our nation’s founding fathers wrote its foundational documents. For example, in the Declaration of Independence they said the following,

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That is why constitutional rights should be protected even when it hurts us to hear such disrespectful things, things similar to those depicted in the cartoon, above. But it does makes one think, right? And thinking is something an educated public is supposed to do. Without education, there is no hope to maintain a free society. The repression of freedom in education and the lack of freedom in speech among Muslim societies sort of guarantees that their citizens will remain subjugated by the atrocities of Sharia Law. So, what may seem like hate speech to you may have a valuable point behind it. Never mind that it be a part of someone else’s religious or political beliefs; both of which are protected under the law. Let’s take the difference of opinion that exists about homosexuality in our society as one example.

Speaking Against Homosexuality: Homophobic Hate Speech or Reasonable Argument?


One of the issues being debated within this topic is whether or not homosexuality is truly a genetic anomaly thereby making it deserving of protected status (against criticism or discrimination). However, for those who believe being gay is not genetic but a choice, they don’t feel it is within the government’s jurisdiction to legislate such protections (not that anyone should be treated hatefully… that IS within the government’s jurisdiction). However, many people believe that homosexuals are that way because they struggle with one or more of the following issues (in other words, they simply need a strategy to help them overcome this propensity). They may be dealing with:

  • A psychological problem (e.g., not having the attention desired from the same sex parent or or being sexually molested as a child);
  • A desire for attention (i.e., it is the newest fad so kids can now become popular, pitied, and supported while simultaneously sticking it to their parents. Lots of kids who would never have considered homosexuality are going this direction now for this very reason. Some people just need a soap box to stand on while they beat their drum in order to feel okay about who they are.);
  • Nowadays with all of the attention being dedicated to gay people in the media, kids are getting confused about their sexuality. Many assume they are gay simply because they are just fearful or socially awkward with the opposite sex or really admire someone of the same sex.
  • Pornography confuses people a great deal, too. Many who think they are gay have merely developed a perverted sexual appetite due to their exposure to pornography where homosexual interactions are common.
  • Because of today’s free attitude about sex (or shamelessness), possessing absolutely no moral restraints such as being restricting sex to marital relations only, many people get in bondage to homosexuality because they have allowed themselves to become a part of  experimental sexual experiences. In the past, social mores made all of this less likely to happen.

Had you ever considered any of those reasons before? Did you even know that there is absolutely no genetic proof that a person is born gay? Did reading my words enlighten you in ways that a biased media could not?

Are you even aware that there is an intentional campaign in the American media to promote homosexuality as a lifestyle to you and your children? Albeit, the purpose may have been a noble one (to enlighten people of the prejudice against gays in order to provide equal rights), that is essentially what it is doing. While treating everyone with respect is important, is it healthy for a society to promote this as an alternative lifestyle for all people to consider? That is essentially what the media is doing with it. But sadly, we are swallowing it, hook, line, and sinker. Why not, you may ask? That is a topic for another day (in a nutshell, it creates confusion with regard to one’s identity and creates a barrier to properly understanding the nature of God).

Yet, if my words were repressed by law (the way talking about the Bible in public schools has been despite it being the very foundation of Western Civilization), you may not have gotten the chance to hear any of what I had to say today because they would have prohibited me from discussing this topic.

You see, if we begin regulating what can and cannot be discussed in public, then all potentially enlightening conversations will be stifled for fear of being thrown in jail. Pretty soon, even preaching out in public, for example, will be banned. Actually, in some places it apparently already is and it appears to be a trend that is growing in popularity. That may not be a big loss to you, but your religious group or political organization may become the next target.

When that sort of thing is tolerated and becomes accepted on a wider scale, American citizens will be no better off than those living within Communistic societies or under fascist regimes. These are environments where people can be taken away without a fair trial or shot for speaking out against their government. It goes on every day in other nations. If you don’t believe me, do you remember how last fall (2014) 43 students speaking out against the local government in Mexico suddenly disappeared? That happened right in our own neighborhood.

The Consequences of Free Speech

Nevertheless, we really do need to be asking ourselves some very serious questions regarding how we allow people to speak about others, individually or as groups. For example, what sort of messages do we send to our children when shame, humiliate, or poke fun at one another or when we allow them to watch it on sitcoms where we, ourselves, laugh at television programs that do that?

It is likely that all of us have been guilty of doing this at one time or the other. That’s because it is considered a normal part of modern American or the Western lifestyle.

Why do we tolerate it?

Because it features very prominently within our entertainment system. Does that mean it is right? No.

Tocolumbine understand its damaging effects let’s consider for a moment the mass murders committed by young students within those now infamous school shootings. Everyone really wants to say that the perpetrators were mentally ill… and sure, that may be true. However, I feel by labeling them, it takes the pressure off of us to do anything about our own behavior. I don’t think they were all that different from us.

What does it take to Create a Killer?


Columbine School Killers

An unintended consequence of our freedom of speech when poking fun at others is that people in society, particularly our kids may never feel safe showing their weaknesses or vulnerabilities to others. The world suddenly becomes an unfriendly if not a hostile place.

Ask yourself, do you really feel safe opening up to people? With the exception of the people who are close to you, do you feel you can really be you; sharing  your heart with others, your likes, your dreams, and maybe even exposing some of your weaknesses and vulnerabilities?  What about owning up to your mistakes (to those you have harmed/offended versus doing so long after the fact to other people who were were not involved)? You see? When I am speaking of our kids, I am also speaking of us, too.

When our kids learn that it isn’t safe to be human, they will stop being real. Consequently, they may completely lose their ability to trust. Or worse, yet, they may trust anyone who is willing to give them the attention they crave (often, attention will equal worth).


John Maguire, a Canadian, went to Syria 4 months after becoming a Muslim in college.

This is likely why some youths, like John Maguire (right), are leaving the comforts of home here in the Americas, the UK, and Europe to join  the likes of the terrorist group, Isis. Maguire set off for Syria only four months after his conversion to Islam. Kipling Williams professor of psychological sciences at Purdue University said:

“Being excluded is painful because it threatens fundamental human needs, such as belonging and self-esteem,” Williams said. “Again and again research has found that strong, harmful reactions are possible even when ostracized by a stranger or for a short amount of time.”

More than 5,000 people have participated in studies using a computer game designed by Williams to show how just two or three minutes of ostracism can produce lingering negative feelings.

“How can it be that such a brief experience, even when being ignored and excluded by strangers with whom the individual will never have any face-to-face interaction, can have such a powerful effect?” he said. “The effect is consistent even though individuals’ personalities vary.”


People also vary in how they cope, which is the second stage of ostracism. Coping can mean the person tries to harder be included. For example, some of those who are ostracized may be more likely to engage in behaviors that increase their future inclusion by mimicking, complying, obeying orders, cooperating or expressing attraction.

“They will go to great lengths to enhance their sense of belonging and self-esteem,” Williams said.

If they feel there is little hope for re-inclusion or that they have little control over their lives, they may resort to provocative behavior and even aggression.

“At some point, they stop worrying about being liked, and they just want to be noticed,” Williams said.[2]

bullying1Both the young and old alike harbor old wounds from being ostracized, taunted, bullied, or just never quite learning how to fit in. That will often lead them to form the belief system that gives them their low self-esteem. Therefore, people, particularly the youth, tend to become obsessed with anything that they think will prop up their sense of worth.



call of dutyBoys, for example, often wish they could become a super hero because it would give them power to take control and gain them the respect and attention they may lack. While others might enjoy taking on a powerful identity in role playing video games where, again, they get to be in control. But this time they can exert the same sort of aggression and inflict similar pain upon their enemies that many of them feel they have felt after having been humiliated or rejected.


violent_video_gamesIt really doesn’t take long for that sort of pretending to become a reality within a young person’s heart. With that in mind, is it really any wonder that this well organized terrorist group with their “can do, take control” attitude, slick media campaign, and black masked uniforms is attracting some of the world’s youth?  Williams explained how this phenomenon is related to pain:

“However, if a person has been ostracized for a long time, they may not have the ability to continue coping as the pain lingers. Some people may give up,” Williams said.

“The third stage is called resignation. This is when people who have been ostracized are less helpful and more aggressive to others in general,” he said. “It also increases anger and sadness, and long-term ostracism can result in alienation, depression, helplessness and feelings of unworthiness.”

Williams is trying to better understand how ostracized individuals may be attracted to extreme groups and what might be the reactions of ostracized groups.

“These groups provide members with a sense of belonging, self-worth and control, but they can fuel narrowness, radicalism and intolerance, and perhaps a propensity toward hostility and violence toward others,” he said. “When a person feels ostracized they feel out of control, and aggressive behavior is one way to restore that control. When these individuals come together in a group there can be negative consequences.

So is it any wonder why a Muslim youth who got his identity, sense of belonging, and worth from his extremist religion might react to the satirical cartoons of Charlie Hebdo in such a murderous fashion? No. Not at all.

Females, on the other hand, tend to focus more upon their appearance and their ability to attract the attention of the opposite sex (although males will do this, as well). Consequently, girls may develop an obsession with applying makeup, buying clothes, and following the celebrities that they wish they could be like. All of this get way out of balance if decide they will go to any lengths to change their appearance, even if that means they must undergo lots of cosmetic procedures. Another extreme women take is when they believe that guys who want to go to bed with them means they have value so they never set up any boundaries with any man who approaches them for sex. When, in truth, men believe the opposite to be true. Rather than seeing the relationship going somewhere permanent, in their minds a girl who does not value herself enough to put up boundaries is disposable; to be used and discarded.

Eventually, people living from an identity of shame will add other things to the list that signify worth to them; their achievements, their careers, the amount of money they have, the size of house, the type of car, or other objects they have, and so on.

Lost Relationships

BLack of Intimacyesides finding themselves in bondage to the endless cycle of maintaining their self-image, another consequence of hiding behind masks is losing one’s ability to be truly intimate and authentic with others.

Someone I knew provided me with the perfect example of this. One of my family members witnessed a strange phenomenon when he taught English overseas in South Korea. He couldn’t help but notice how students who reached the sixth grade would suddenly go through some sort of transformation. These delightful, open faced children who had been so easy to relate to had, at one time seemed quite happy, loving and even confident. Then all of a sudden they changed. They became the direct opposite from their former selves.

ImproveSelfEsteem_thumbThe way everything was described to me, it was as if a heavy, dark cloud was hanging over them. It became obvious from their frowning faces that they were uncomfortably self-conscious. They often walked with their shoulders slumped. Instead of looking up at the teacher in excited anticipation of the interaction, they continually kept their heads down in what seemed to be a sign that they were doomed to live in an endless state of shame. Essentially, they had become prisoners in their own skin.

I Miss you 보고싶다 kdrama 2012 episode 1 김소현 Kim So HyunYou see, when children must protect themselves against the sort of free-for-all shaming that goes on across all segments of society, they feel compelled to don masks of pride. Consequently, they will hide that part of themselves that they deem to be weak or whatever part of them that they have somehow judged to be unworthy of acceptance; unworthy in a world obsessed with power and people whose primary focus is the lust of the eyes, pride of life, and desires of the body.

This can lead to difficulties getting along with others or maintaining relationships. For example, when long-held relationships with close family members and friends begin reminding people of their weaknesses and stirring up old wounds, some feel compelled to abandon these relationships altogether; that, or keep them at a very safe distance.

This tends to happen when people grow older and finally realize that their friends and family members are human, too (i.e., weak, vulnerable, imperfect). When these folks can’t hold up to the standards they have implemented in their own lives to insulate themselves from their pain and shame, that is when their love is likely to grow cold and they often “trade up” for a new family and set of friends, as Maguire did when he left his family behind for his Muslim brothers in Syria.

Although very few people will end up becoming mass murderers, through actions like these, they inadvertently become murderers nonetheless. In fact, shame and death perpetuate even more shame and death. It is an endless cycle.

Committing Soul Murder

authentic-self-soul-made-visible2Did you know that shaming, humiliating or rejecting someone is the same thing as committing psychological murder? Social psychologists call this “soul murder” (e.g., Alice Miller; John Bradshaw). So it stands to reason why some may be pushing to outlaw this form of social violence through the implementation of hate crime laws and by launching campaigns against bullying. Might it make people think twice before insulting others through satire or comedy? Hopefully, but probably not.

Although the phrase was coined by scientists in the last century, soul murder is also spoken of in the Bible.

For example, Jesus said to call someone is a fool or to taunt them by calling them the name “Raca,” an Aramaic word that depicts someone as empty headed and shows utter contempt for that person, that puts the offender’s soul in danger of hell fire.

Why would that be?

Based upon the comparison Jesus made, doing so would be tantamount to committing murder. (It is always nice when science finally catches up to the Bible. This has been happening a lot lately… in several areas of discipline.) Here is more proof of this claim.

The Purdue professor cited earlier conducted research into how the brain reacts to or registers emotional pain. He explained:

“Being excluded or ostracized is an invisible form of bullying that doesn’t leave bruises, and therefore we often underestimate its impact,” said Kipling D. Williams, a professor of psychological sciences. “Being excluded by high school friends, office colleagues, or even spouses or family members can be excruciating. And because ostracism is experienced in three stages, the life of those painful feelings can be extended for the long term.

“When a person is ostracized, the brain’s dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury,” Williams said.[1]

In other words, our emotional pain feels the same to us as our physical pain. There is speculation that it may even hurt worse. Consequently, when someone perceives he is in danger of suffering an injury, it isn’t that much of a stretch to justify their angry reaction. They are merely reacting in the same defensive manner they might if their bodies were being attacked and their lives were at stake. To read more about this phenomenon, see my earlier article entitled “The Link Between Defensiveness and Shame – Part I.”

At this juncture, it is important for me to clarify one thing. I have not been talking about the sort of shame everyone ought to have for doing something wrong. That is a healthy, necessary form of shame. I am talking about another type of shame, toxic shame.

What is Toxic Shame?

Toxic shame is the sort of shame that promotes soul murder. In some respects it is a mocking, taunting kind of shame. In others, it is the act of being cut out of someone’s life. Sometimes our shame is real and sometimes it is imagined (it is what we believe about ourselves). It doesn’t have to come at the hands of a disapproving or abusive person. It can come as the result of some sort of traumatic accident, the death of a family member, or a decision we made on our own.

Toxic shame can also be used as a manipulative device by people who want to pressure others into conforming to their wishes. Peer pressure is one example of this.


Peer pressure doesn’t just happen to children. It often comes through satirical cartoons, comedy routines, and other forms of media. Husbands and wives often use it against one another to get their way. It is world’s way of insuring conformity.

On the other hand, healthy shame teaches people to respect the rights of others. If handled properly, allowing our children to experience shame for their actions can promote a sense of humility and spirituality within them while developing greater sensitivity for others. Nevertheless, just as our Lord came to heal us of our toxic shame, He also came to relieve us from the burden of guilt that so often weighs us down after having committed a transgression against others, ourselves, or God.

The Long Term Psychological Effects of Toxic Shame

Besides creating something akin to physical pain in people, how else can toxic shame or soul murder manifest itself on a psychological level?

becoming_authentic_selfAs I mentioned earlier, when it is not safe to be ourselves, we will choose to become someone else; hence, our authentic self will die, or more accurately, we will choose to bury it. The thing is, we will never be rid of it. It is still there holding all the wounds of the past.

The wounds from this sort of shame can trap adults in a perpetual cycle of immaturity, often at the age when the wounds first occurred. In other words, when society tolerates the shaming of others, this tends to create childish BABY BOTTLElittle monsters that hide inside of most of us until a wound or hot button is touched upon. Anger and rage are often the result. That is because it has reminded us of our shame; or the part of our soul that we murdered in favor of a more powerful or more acceptable persona.

Temper TantrumsPeople who do not have control over their rage or anger can be set free from this and other manifestations when they heal their old wounds and reverse the lies believed about their self-concept through a program that promotes mind renewal. The Church, by in large, is going to be helpful, here, unless they don’t know what that is. Emotional healing is really the key component in any program hoping to see lasting transformation. But  few in the Church know how to do this. Contact me for more coaching services, training in this method or check out my book, mentioned at the end of this article or to the right of my blog site.

Besides flying into a rage, which can end in physical violence for some, there are many other detrimental effects and reactions to emotional pain that could become strongholds in our lives which will need mind renewal and the healing of the heart. For example, when the wounds of shame begin to manifest, episodes of depression and anxiety often result. All of this, along with other techniques at distracting ourselves such as keeping busy all the time, engaging in obsessive behaviors or comforting ourselves with substances, are subconscious ways we try to head off the approaching pain that rising the the surface. These habits often take people down the slippery slope to destruction (poor health, alcoholism, relationship troubles, difficulty raising kids, maintaining a job, or engaging in daily upkeep).

The next two scripture verses will demonstrate the amazing psychological benefits that are hidden within the Bible. Why anyone would be offended by the Bible doesn’t make much sense when you consider all of its benefits. The first was a verse quoted from the Old Testament by Jesus Christ at the announcement of the start of His public ministry (see Luke 7). He said His reading of this verse from Isaiah 61 on that day was the fulfillment of that particular prophecy. In a nutshell, here is what Jesus is all about:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.

From the perspective of a sociologist or psychologist the New Testament, where the life and ministry of Jesus was highlighted, is full of restorative help to the broken and the self-absorbed members of our society. When one keeps in mind the tendency of society to shame others, includes most of us to some degree or the other.

The apostle, John, explains how the love in our hearts can grows cold when our focus becomes about gaining positions of pride:

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God [to love Him, ourselves, and others] lives forever. I John 2:15-17 (brackets mine)

In other words, if the world is where our greatest treasures are laid up (in an effort to prop our self-esteems up or to comfort our pain), our hearts will eventually grow cold and our lives made empty. Additionally, they will become wrapped up in their base human nature (instincts, basic needs), less likely to be able to reach for the higher pursuits of Truth, Love, and Peace.

Ripe for the Picking

Twain QuoteAs we have just seen by the examples given of young men going off to fight for ISIS and young women giving themselves over to any man who comes along, when we are dominated by our need to please others or to be somebody, we are as they say, ripe for the picking. When we depend on others for our self-esteem or when our self-esteem is based on what we do and not for who we really are, we will develop blind spots. Therefore, we may easily be lead astray. We might be taken by whatever propaganda campaign the media or government wants to promote (hence the need for education and critical thinking skills in addition to healed hearts).


But on a more personal level, we could find ourselves being manipulated by those who are closest to us, particularly if we deem them worthy enough to please.

Male Equality

This would be especially harmful to if their intentions were malicious or their motives selfish. That means we would have lost our independent, critical thinking skills, at least in this particular area of our lives. Consequently, we could easily be lead into bondage or death.

man with dummyAllowing the opinions someone has of us to determine our sense of worth for us is not only dangerous but it is what Scripture calls immature. We are easily swayed, tossed to and fro from forces outside of our own will. Here is one example given by the apostle, Paul, regarding how lacking a sure foundation within ourselves will cause us to be easily manipulated by religious leaders causing us to buy into false teaching/doctrine:

. . .that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ. . . Ephesians 4:14-15.

(This is also referring to a lack of biblical knowledge, too.)

As God Sees YouIf nothing else, whether you believe in Christ or not, you will have to admit that the Church does many good things to promote healthy societies. The goal of the Church is to promote maturity in individuals and to keep people consciously aware of and ever endeavoring to reach the higher principles of life; love, patience, loving kindness, peace. Treating one’s fellow man with respect and valuing his freedom of choice is a big part of that, too. It is a tragedy when we see people coming out of some churches who do not possess such values, but then again, there is the fact that people don’t often stick with the program presented to them or they could also be “in process” of being transformed into Christ’s likeness. Then again, sometimes, not always, the church may be off kilter. That may be because it doesn’t line up with the Bible in some way or because it is being run by someone put in office who is immature or deceptive.

So back to the subject matter at hand. Does our society, with its freedom of speech, tolerance for mocking, a media and art forms that offend could these cause the psychological harm that promote such immaturity? Yes. It certainly could; especially now that society has totally lost its sense of decorum and foundational respect for others.

And what are the consequences of living in such a society?

What all of this equates to is that our citizens of the Western world may lack the confidence (self-esteem, psychological strength) to stand up against the status quo (even when they know the score and aren’t in a state of perpetual blindness by their own desire to fit in).

The problem with this?

That is how societies are able to bring someone like Hitler into power. Being compelled to conform to the world in order to gain a sense of self-esteem is not only bondage for the individual but it turns citizens into something akin to a mindless drone (sheeple).

Posters for Spotless Bride

It is this need to base one’s self-esteem and self-concept upon what others think of them that dooms them to be trapped to forever live in a perpetual state of immaturity, easily wounded and often self-righteous. That is why the apostle, Paul, tells us the following:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. . . Romans 12:2

i-have-this-weird-self-esteem-issueThose with low self-esteems, for example, are more likely to harden their hearts by developing an arrogant and self-righteous attitude. They are also more likely to become overly sensitive when something that was said or done touches upon a wound that reminds them of the shame and humiliation they felt after realizing a certain part of themselves did not properly conform to the world (or whatever behavior they perceived to be acceptable to those they wanted to please) and was, therefore, unworthy. Consequently, people tend to end up searching incessantly for a sense of identity that they can finally align themselves with that will successfully insulate their hearts from their inner pain… the pain of being who they have wrongly deemed themselves to be (e.g., I am a mistake, I am flawed, I am not good enough, etc…) that is, UNLESS they can save face and conform with something more acceptable, worthy or powerful.

Parents need to be trained to recognize the damage that can be done by the assault being perpetuated against their children’s self-esteem on a daily basis so that they can teach their children of their true value and remind them who they really are. If they don’t, their children are more likely to grow up with hard hearts. With love growing cold, they could grow callous, jaded, and pretty soon your softhearted, sweet child may join in with the rest of the crowd and begin mocking those who are weaker or not like the group. In today’s world, though, this could very easily get them killed if, God forbid, one of their classmates goes to school seeking a way to make a statement to the world about the misery they have endured at the hands of their peers. Then again, your child’s heart could become so wounded by the teasing of others, growing so hard and cold that he or she could become the next mass murderer at school.

Shaming others changes and shapes human identity unlike anything else can. That is why shaming others promotes the vicious cycle we call sin. It is what has made our whole society broken and emotionally ill to one degree or the other. The only solution to this problem is the grace provided to us by the precious Blood of Christ.

The sad reality behind all of this, though, is that this incessant shaming and humiliation that children and adults tend to foist upon their peers is done in an effort to, at best, feel like they fit in or, at worst, to feel superior to them in order to salvage whatever self-esteem they can in a desperate effort to ameliorate their own sense of shame.

Should Societies Tolerate Satire?

In light of these facts, should we really be tolerating satirical cartoons or other forms of similar entertainment or art? I’d love to have you sound in with your thoughts. Here are a few of mine.

Restricting the degree of freedom we allow people to have when speaking to or about others does impose upon our freedoms, but might that be a necessary evil if we ever hope to heal the suffering that arises from the injuries that this sort of onslaught to the human identity can cause? Possibly. But that is likely to never happen.

violators_baptizedCan you imagine how our already over burdened legal system would crumble under the sheer number of cases that would be brought to the table if they tried to regulate such behavior? Every time someone felt insulted, they’d be dragging people to court. But that is why churches are so valuable to society. They teach us to “do unto others as we would have others do unto us.”

So just as the Church seems to be falling out of popularity in American or Western Society, “going out of business” so to speak, the people who turn Christians into the demented villains or clowns in their stories or make them the butt of their jokes, might want to reconsider the alternative. Either that or they need to batten down their hatches and take cover because love has already begun to run cold and the atrocities are only increasing.

1950s_family_lifeConversely, consider this. During that golden age in America before the Bible and prayer had been taken out of the schools, the Church and its ministers were held in high esteem and our society thrived. The Bible and prayer were taken out of the schools and governmental meetings fifty plus years ago despite being a part of daily life in both for 300 years. Up until that point in time, American citizens could orig_old_hands_on_bibleanever have dreamed of a time when we’d have the problem we now face with drugs, alcoholism, unwed mothers, divorce, crime, and rampant selfishness. Why? That is what happens when people lose their moral compass and “other” focus. Love grows cold when people are allowed to disrespect one another.

If something about this article has peaked your interest or you recognize the need for healing of the wounds in your own life, I would like to invite you to keep learning about this topic through the articles on this blog. Or better yet, you may want to buy my book to learn the deeper psychological aspects of the effect your wounds and the wounds of others may be having on others and upon the world. The book is called, Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity through Emotional Healing. It can be found at my website, http://thespotlessbride.come.



1) (6-6-2011). “Pain of Ostrascism can be Long Lasting. Featured research from Purdue University. “Retrieved on 2-10-2015 from

2) Ibid.

© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 21, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

*Disclaimer: Nothing in this article is meant to serve as medical advice. If you feel you are suffering from a mental illness, you need to seek the counsel of a certified mental health worker. The author is simply providing you with helpful information as a pastoral counselor with Master’s degrees in adult education and conflict negotiation and mediation.

Heart Faith vs. Head Faith: Head Faith Won’t Do It

November 22, 2014

The following contains excerpts from Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity through Emotional Healing, by Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Belief-in-an-Angry-God-Now-Linked-to-Mental-IllnessWe cannot live a life of faith, boldness, and conviction if our image of God is terrifying. Not if our heart competes with the head knowledge we’ve gained about our loving Father. Also, if we relate to God from the standpoint of a worm rather than a son or daughter of the King of the Universe, we cannot raise our faith to a level which allows us to believe that He actually desires to give us an abundant life let alone trust that He will back us up when we pray for something as miraculous as a healing. That is much too hard to do.

No, we must first come into possession of two forms of knowledge or faith to do that; head knowledge/faith and heart knowledge/faith. I group knowledge and faith together because we don’t usually trust without knowledge. “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17).

Have you ever wondered why your prayers did not seem to get through? That is likely because you only have head knowledge or faith; knowledge/faith that hasn’t dropped down into your heart yet. It is in the heart where faith comes alive, as follows, “…for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation” (Romans 10:9).

Sure there are times when our prayers get through with head faith. But to get to that level we must know the Truth in both our minds and hearts; the Truth pertaining to, most especially, the knowledge of who God is and who we are in relationship to Him. That is the only way we will be able to have the “heart faith” to fully tap into His loving provision and healing for our lives and others.

royal blue throneBut what if we have a past full of fear and anxiety that makes us see our Heavenly Father through the eyes of fear and doubt? How can we rise up into our position of authority as royal sons and daughters in the Kingdom of God in our present condition?

We can’t… not without help.

That is why God sent us His ministers to minister to the Church “until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:11-13). But we also need the Holy Spirit to speak to our hearts through various experiences as we walk out our faith and knowledge of God’s Word. Ministers tend to be those with more experience walking their faith out. That is why they can help us so much.

Faith comes through faith-based experiences with His Word and the leading of the Holy Spirit. That is how this teaching came to me. I had lots of head knowledge for years, but things really took off for me when it moved to my heart. People learn best by experience. David Kolb (1984) the father of Experiential Learning Theory stated that “Learning is the process whereby knowledge is created through the transformation of experience” (p. 38). That transformation happens in the heart.

heart vs. headThankfully, scientists have discovered that the heart isn’t just a blood pump. Its neural structures are like the brain’s. They also have the ability to think. Consequently, the heart is now referred to as a “mini-brain.”[1] (Once again, science is catching up with the Bible.)

According to brain scientist, Dr. Caroline Leaf, it’s function is to check for congruence. [2] This makes total sense to me because when we are betrayed by those we have trusted or have cared about, what part of our body feels the pain? Our hearts! So which part of us is going to harden up and become less trusting over time after it has experienced significant hurt? Of course, it is our heart.

Balance Heart And MindWhen it comes time to trust God or have faith in Him, whether that be during our initial salvation experience or it is our 100th time praying the prayer of faith, our heart is going to check for congruence between what we are seeking to accomplish through prayer and our ability to trust God for it. If the heart has been significantly shamed and wounded, our prayer may not manifest to our liking because we are tossed to and fro by doubt. As we learn in James 1, we are “double minded;” tossed between the heart and the head. We know we believe the Bible and others’ testimonies when they speak of God answering prayer, but we know it in our mind. We haven’t walked it out in experience yet. Experience is required to get it into the heart; that, and healing. You see, we are like those people who have been burned by former lovers that, like them, we will eventually live our lives in fear of being betrayed. So unless our hearts are healed, we won’t be able to trust God. That is why the Lord had me write my book and this blog. To show you the way to healing your heart (more on that in a minute). It isnt’ an easy thing to do. Some people spend decades on the psychiatrist’s couch or in church tragically to no avail.


So let’s start with our concept of God. A recent study showed that belief in a punitive God was significantly associated with an increase in psychiatric symptoms such as social anxiety, paranoia, obsession, and compulsion. [3] On the other hand, belief in a benevolent God was associated with a reduction in those symptoms. [4]

Sure, we may go to church or read the Bible and get the idea that God’s intentions are benevolent, that He desires good things for us. But that is just “head knowledge.” For one reason or the other, though, our hearts are definitely not convinced.

Often, our concept of God comes from our experiences with our earthly fathers and other authority figures. But we can also have difficulty trusting because of our deeply wounded hearts.  Typically painful experiences with shame leave our hearts bruised, anxious, and fearful. Of course, if we are confused about who God is to begin with or that His intentions for us are good, then that must get straightened out first. But if we want the knowledge we have about God and our new identities in Christ to get from our heads down into our hearts, our hearts must be completely healed. This is how God accelerates our transformation into His image. Once healed, we will finally be able us to walk in victory as His royal sons of daughters to become true leaders in the Kingdom of God.



Humanity was originally created in God’s Image (see Genesis 1:27-28). Being raised by imperfect humans with the stain of sin upon us all, we lost connection to who we were. It was as if Satan kidnapped a prince or princess and put them into slavery far from any knowledge of their royal parents or true identity. It was at that point that humanity began acting like abused slaves, like the worms I spoke of earlier; survival of the fittest is the motto of many a human worm, “every man for himself!” How does one come out from that sort of narcissistic thinking?

It is only when our hearts are finally able to capture a vision of ourselves from the standpoint of His Love for us as royal princes and princesses that we are healed and forever changed. God came in the form of Jesus to rescue us; to be our example of how sons and daughters living in a fallen world could be. That is why we must daily behold the glory of who Jesus is as if we were looking in a mirror at ourselves to finally understand what all of that truly means (see 2 Corinthians 3:18).


Unfortunately, this concept of seeing ourselves through the eyes of God’s Love may be so foreign to our wounded hearts and clouded minds that it becomes a battle for us to walk into who we really are as God’s children and Christ’s bride. This is what it means to face spiritual warfare.

The Body of Christ

The Body of Christ

Our enemy knows the danger he faces if we are finally able to move beyond our wounds. If we are able to join our heads with our hearts and fully integrate this understanding into our thinking, acting, and feeling, we will walk in the authority of Christ and join Him in destroying the works of the devil. This is the point at which we function individually as the Body of Christ on earth; walking in our identity and in the faith to do the “greater works” of Christ (see John 14:12). But this can’t happen until our hearts are able to catch up with our heads.

Over the last few decades, the Church has been pretty helpful with our process of transformation by teaching us mind-renewal techniques. This usually transpires through a program of Scripture memorization and by writing on one side of a 3×5 inch index card the lies we believed then putting the truth to counteract the lie on the front side. When we put these cards on our mirrors or refrigerators, we will remind ourselves by saying something like, “I renounce the lie that says….” then “I profess the truth over this situation. I believe what God’s word says about this situation which is…” We would do this until the truth eventually became a part of our thinking. But one thing the Church didn’t teach us was how to get this knowledge from our heads into our hearts.

What is the remedy? For one, experience through greater intimacy with God via the Holy Spirit. This has an incredible ability to heal our broken hearts. Jesus told us to make sure we take time out to “abide in the Vine” (John 15:4-5). Of course He is the Vine being spoken of. We are also told to “Be still and know I am God” (Psalm 46:10). But there are several other things required to heal our hearts in an accelerated time frame that I can share with you in my book (see below).

Unfortunately, this information is not readily available in the Church today. Up until I discovered the solution; I, myself, had struggled to make this connection between the head and the heart despite spending 27 years in the Church. Healing is most assuredly required (see Isaiah 61 and Luke 4:18). However, understanding how to make that happen is difficult to get across without some considerable time spent teaching you. That is why I wrote a book. There is only one of me to go around. Though I do offer coaching services and will come do a training weekend with your group to help out if desired. But the book will go a long way to getting you to your healing. As a matter of fact, what I have learned will get you there in a very short amount of time. You see, once Christians are healed, their transformation into Christ’s likeness is accelerated and they are quickly able to utilize the supernatural provision of God to grow into greater maturity, holiness, and power.

Nelson_Transformation_R3-2HOW MY BOOK CAN HELP

I wrote, Accelerated Transformation, to give you, the reader, practical steps and tools as well as cutting edge knowledge to do just that; accelerate your transformation. This occurs through the biblical means of mind renewal, stated above, and I do encourage Scripture memorization. But to get that knowledge into the heart, your relational past and difficult experiences must be explored so you can heal your memories. You are a new creation in Christ, but your memories must catch up to that fact. Your slave or worm mentality must be transformed.

I included two audio recordings for you to download for free once you purchase the book. Each is about an hour long. More on those in a moment. I also added healing worksheets and exercises in the appendix to facilitate your progress as well as adding questions to the end of each chapter to help the new information you are learning to “stick.”

The audio by Graham Cook is set to the piano music of Steve Swanson. In it, Graham speaks many profound truths of God about you in an effort raise you to your royal identity and destiny as a child of God. I felt the Lord wanted me to include this with my book because I experienced benefit from it as these truths are quite transformative in nature and the delivery is special. With Cook’s beautiful British accent and the music in the background this recording has the same capacity that all the arts have; to get past the guard (the lies) we place over our hearts (to protect them from further hurt). Due to the resistance of the heart receive love, to trust, and have faith, the arts are able to create a pathway for truth to slip in unnoticed.

The other audio is a healing prayer session with me leading the prayer. It is also set to music. This new form of prayer leads the person being prayed over to position him or herself to receive a healing touch directly from God to his or her heart.

To purchase this book and get your audio downloads along with everything else, please go to!goals



1) Leaf, C. Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions. Rivonia, South Africa: Switch on Your Brain, 2007.

2) Ibid.

3) Silton NR, Flannelly KJ, Galek K, Ellison CG. “Beliefs About God and Mental Health Among American Adults.” J Relig Health. 2013 Apr 10.

4) Ibid.



Kolb, D. Experiential Learning: Experience as the Source of Learning and Development. Englewood Cliffs, NJ.: Prentice-Hall, Inc, 1984.

© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 21, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

*Disclaimer: Nothing in this article is meant to serve as medical advice. If you feel you are suffering from a mental illness, you need to seek the counsel of a certified mental health worker. The author is simply a pastoral counselor with Master’s degrees in adult education and conflict negotiation and mediation.

The Link Between Defensiveness and Shame Part I

October 24, 2014

Do you know anyone who is defensive, critical, or has a problem with anger from time to time? That is proof positive that they are operating their lives from an identity of shame. I should know. I used to be one. As a matter of fact, most of us suffer from it to one degree or the other. So this is a topic worthy of everyone’s attention.

The Need to Defend – Rooted in Death and Pain

defensive-communication-manSo why do we defend ourselves so vehemently that we are willing to risk our closest relationships in order to cast all blame away from ourselves? Psychologists consider the experience of shame to be equivalent to the death of the soul.[1] It leaves us feeling the need to defend our very lives and, if possible, to also hide.

Neuroscientists have discovered that shame is registered in the brain as strong physical pain. It may even be the strongest pain experienced by the human body.[2] So, naturally, we will do anything we can to defend ourselves against or run from experiencing that sort of pain. By doing so, we subconsciously believe that we will be saving our lives. But we can’t save ourselves. We need help.

The interesting thing is, we don’t necessarily know that we are in pain. That is because we have equipped ourselves with a variety of defensive psychological strategies to help us avoid experiencing the pain. But our pain is still there; buried. By that I mean that our pain is attached to memories that make us react defensively or in anger when they are touched. These defensive strategies are often referred to as coping behaviors. While being angry and defensive can be damaging to our relationships and jobs; there are some avoidance behaviors that are as destructive to our health as they are to our productivity and success. Therefore, with so much at stake, it behooves each of us to learn how we can get set free.


Of course, we can never be rid of our memories. But with the right information and strategies, we can learn how to get rid of shame’s destructive effects. Lets start by learning a bit about what shame really is and how it affects us.

In this series of articles, I will share more information and tools to help you take positive steps towards healing. So please make sure you subscribe or contact me to get updates as articles come out. (I have just divided this article into two shorter articles so the next one will be out shortly after this one.)

The Power of Shame to Distort Identities

shame-on-youWhen I am speaking of shame, I am not referring to the sort of shame that simply makes us feel guilty and ashamed for doing something wrong. This type of shame is referred to as healthy shame. We definitely need healthy shame to keep us humble, respectful, and law abiding. Nevertheless, we need to get set free of any healthy shame we are dealing with, too. But this is a bit easier to rid ourselves of.

What I am referring to is the sort of shame that becomes a part of our identity. It isn’t the feeling of doing something wrong but of being wrong. This is called toxic shame.

The difference between these two forms of shame may appear subtle at first but if you want to conquer it, it is vitally important that you grasp the difference. The first form of shame has to do with doing, the second has to do with being. In other words, with healthy shame I will say, “I have a flaw.” With toxic shame, I will say to myself, “I AM flawed.” It is the feeling that “I am a mistake” versus “I have made a mistake.” With toxic shame we have taken on shame as an identity. In other words, it is not something we can quickly get over simply by apologizing. It takes a concerted effort and a commitment to be rid of this form of shame. All in all, shame as an identity is the feeling of somehow being “less than” or even less deserving than others. This is a distortion of one’s true identity.


It is often useful to understand shame through another perspective. Let’s look at its connection to sin. There are sins we commit against ourselves and sins against others. Sin, in general, separates us from others. This happens because we have either made an unrighteous choice that offends or harms someone in the process or a sin against ourselves eventually causes some form of separation between us and others to occur (e.g., death from alcoholism). Therefore, healthy shame is connected to our own wrong doing. The remedy is simple. A change in our own behavior and seeking forgiveness will generally be all that is required.

Toxic shame, however, is much more complex and difficult to resolve. It is typically the result of someone’s sin against us; real or imagined. We experience toxic shame when we are rejected, humiliated, or when someone perpetrates a crime or offense against us. But it can also come to us as the result of a major disappointment or suffering a traumatic event; neither of which necessarily involve a sin. Toxic shame can also come from a false perception we have about ourselves; typically arising from our childhoods. This is because children are too young to discern the difference between what is true and what is false. But any situation we deem as shaming can do damage to us. Consequently, we may have formed a false sense of unrighteousness within our souls. In other words, we may have decided that there was something wrong with us. It is this false sense of being wrong, flawed, or “less than” that makes people become easily offended and defensive.

The Damaging Effects of Shame

The reach of shame in our lives is quite broad and the number of problems it contributes to is extensive; so much so that I can’t get into all of them in a single article. But I will touch on a few to help you get an idea why it is so important to commit yourself to getting set free.

Because shame is registered as actual pain, human beings can suffer from a wide range of negative physical and psychological effects. This is because we will go to great lengths to avoid experiencing our pain; pain which is kept “safely” buried beneath the surface. Consequently, our shame is usually the root that lies beneath many of our worst choices in life not to mention our conflicts with others. One example of this was, as already discussed, our defensiveness which also manifests as a means to avoid pain.

There are other behaviors we will engage in to help us avoid feeling pain as well. Some of our choices may, at first, actually seem quite productive but when we engage in them in order to avoid feeling the pain of shame, they generally have control over us (e.g., obsessive working, exercising or cleaning house) turning us into their slaves. A great many other choices that we make are much more destructive. For example, when we comfort ourselves with drugs, alcohol, food, or by spending too much time numbing our minds in front of the television or computer, we are self medicating with substances that can erode our health and steal away our most valuable time.


I have already explained how shame distorts the self. This can affect our overall self-esteem and self-concept. Not only will this have an impact our level of confidence, but it can create intimacy issues with others.

The reason shame holds such tremendous power over the human psyche is because during childhood our perception of ourselves was connected to others’ perceptions of us. Consequently, it is through our interactions with others that we are often reminded of our earlier memories of shame and self-hatred. It is also why human beings are so vulnerable to being manipulated, controlled, and even abused by those they love or care about.

When people have taken on an identity of shame they are much more likely to be narcissistic, prone to depression and anger, and a lot less capable of really connecting with others on a truly intimate and authentic level.

Distance and Disconnection


Our avoidance of shame makes it much more difficult for us to listen to the hearts of others; even affecting our ability to share our own. As you can see, it really behooves us to confront and heal our toxic memories and thoughts; if not for our own sake but for our loved ones as well.

counseling and coaching


Over the past 35 years, nearly all of the people I have coached, counseled, or conducted a conflict mediation for have attributed their worst problems in life to this identity of shame; whether they suffered through a divorce, a drinking problem, or an autoimmune disorder, shame was to blame. Worst case scenarios can leave people who suffer from shame facing addictions, joblessness, or mental illness. Sometimes, it can even turn them into the perpetrators of violence, domestic abuse, or murder.

Before and After Meth (2 Years)

Before and After Meth (2 Years)

accelerated transformationAfter I dedicated one of my Master’s Theses to this topic of shame, I felt that I had to publish a book with my findings because I realized how little the general public really knew about this pervasive problem. Ministers in the church have experience dealing with shame, but they usually focus on the sin aspect of healthy shame. They rarely understand the powerful psychological dynamics behind toxic shame. How do I know this? For 27 years, I was not able to get totally set free until I ran across this knowledge.  Although I made sure to include entertaining examples of how toxic shame operates as well as my own personal journey to healing and freedom, I found that there was surprisingly a lot of scholarly and biblical evidence supporting how the experience of shame can distort our identities.

I didn’t write this book to simply call attention to the problem but to see people quickly healed. You see, toxic shame isn’t quite as simple to get set free from as healthy shame. It still requires the supernatural help of the cross, but its grip is so tenacious that we usually need more than just a single trip to the altar to get set free. That is why it typically takes a lifetime to get there. However, God has given me techniques in recent years to accelerate our results, hence this is why the title of my book is Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity through Emotional Healing.

 Relate to Anything in this Article?

If I have touched upon anything you recognize about yourself in this article, then you likely live from an identity of shame and may want to read each article in this series to help you get a better understanding about what you are facing.* In these articles, I will provide you with tools you will need to deal with it in an effective manner. Won’t you examine your heart to see if this has affected your connection with your heart, with God, or others and commit yourself to getting well?

Resources for Further Study or Assistance

Look for other articles to come in the next week or so. These will go a long way to helping you learn how to set yourself back on the right path. I suggest that you subscribe to my blog to get updates when they get published online. To do this, place your email in the blank provided on the upper right side of my blog (at I am not yet sure how to set up my RSS feed yet, so if that doesn’t work, that is why.Woman-Studying-Online-Ashford-University

Be aware that you may feel some pain surface in your heart after reading all of this. This is completely normal and expected. If it does, I don’t suggest letting it stay there. You may contact me for help if you wish.I do have a pastoral counseling/coaching service* (as well as conflict management and negotiation business) that you may want to consider utilizing if I have the space. If not, I can, at the very least point you in the right direction. In some cases I will work on a donation basis according to what some people can afford.

Counselling and Support

Here is a contact form to get in touch with me. Just fill it out and be sure to watch your junk mail for my reply. You may have to wait a few days at most as I may be out of town teaching. But I will be in touch no matter what:

transformedMay I suggest you also consider getting my book? This is in no way, shape, or form a sales pitch. I’d give it to you for free if I could. (I’d like to find a financial sponsor who’d let me be able to afford to do that so please contact me if you are interested). My aim is to see this might happen one day. But my book is truly a useful tool for providing you with exercises and vital knowledge that you will need to help you to heal and get set free from the shame you are suffering from. I can’t tell you in a short article just how detrimental allowing this shame to live in your heart will be for you and your family, but take a look at the upcoming articles as well as others on my blog to find out. I can be contacted through my website Keep in mind that I will have another book and transformation curriculum published in 2015 as well.

Please like and share this article with others if you think it is of value and thank you! May God bless you on your journey.



1) Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the Shame that Binds You.  (2nd ed.). Deerfield   Beach, FL: Health Communications Inc.

2) Aron, E. (2008). Coping Corner: Highly Sensitive People and Shame. [Blog]. From

3) Nelson, T. (2010). Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity though Emotional Healing. Santa Rosa, FL: Christian International.

4) Colossians 3:9, Romans 6:6, Ephesians 4:22, Galatians 2:20

5) Bradshaw, J. (2005). Healing the Shame that Binds You.  (2nd ed.). Deerfield   Beach, FL: Health Communications Inc.

6) Romans 12:2


© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 21, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

*Disclaimer: Nothing in this article is meant to serve as medical advice. If you feel you are suffering from a mental illness, you need to seek the counsel of a certified mental health

Being Ready to Give a Defense for the Hope that is within You

October 3, 2014


But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. (I Peter 3:15 ESV)

The Internet empowers Christians to express their faith openly and freely without the same intimidation and fear of rejection that a face-to-face encounter might produce. I am not saying that Christians won’t experience negative emotions when challenged, but there is a greater sense of safety inside the home far from the person being addressed. That makes the Internet an excellent tool for evangelism. Nevertheless, Christians have to be very cautious that they walk in compassion speaking the truth in love at all times particularly when they run across someone’s hatred of Christianity. Whether a challenge comes from someone who is really seeking answers or someone who is just being ugly, it doesn’t matter. This presents the perfect opportunity to show the world the mercy, love, and grace of God. Hopefully, while also sharing a carefully thought out and well researched answer as well. The same is required even if a Christian brother or sister says something that doesn’t line up with one’s interpretation of Scripture.

What I would like to talk about next is the temptation to say something spiteful in reaction to such a challenge. Simply because people can get away with expressing their anger online without fear of suffering any social repercussions, it doesn’t mean we should do it. God holds us to the same accountability when we are hiding behind a login name as when we are face-to-face with someone.

Why Not Just Blast them with the Truth?

Speaking-the-TruthSometimes Christians, especially newbies, will take an Old Testament tone with people. While the prophets may have sounded harsh when God was warning His children of upcoming disciplinary actions if they didn’t change their ways, He only did this during times of extreme disobedience and only as a last ditch effort save them. When Christians do this today, the world is watching. Not only are they not reflecting the grace and mercy God provided through the New Covenant. But we are in a time unlike any other time in history. Our interactions online are seen by hundreds, sometimes tens of thousands or even millions of people. Consequently, our responsibility for our words is that much higher.

The apostle, Paul, said we are always to “speak the truth in love” to one another (Ephesians 4:15). Walking in love and patience towards others is what fosters true maturity. When our faith in a particular point of doctrine is challenged, we are presented with an equal opportunity for growth.

The mature response to the challenges we face would be to use these conflicts to our faith as motivation to dig deeper for the answers. In seeking answers for the person who has presented us with this challenge, we become better informed and more able to “give a defense” for the hope that is within us.

However, wounding others with our bitter frustrations will stoke up the fires of anger in people’s hearts. This can only serve to repel them away from Christ, not attract them towards Him, as follows:

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35 NKJV)

Be Like Jesus

In other words, the world judges Christianity and Jesus by how they see Christians treating others.

Furthermore, creating a wound in the heart of the person we are addressing, is equal to physically harming a person. How can that be, you may ask? Jesus said just calling someone a fool puts us in danger of hell fire (see Matthew 5:21-23).

If you study psychology, it will make much more sense why that is. Social psychologists say that we are essentially guilty of murder when we shame others. In a nutshell, our psyche, which comprises of our identity, self-concept, and self-worth, are deeply tied to the views of others. Therefore, when we call someone a fool for believing the way they do, we are potentially murdering their soul. Watch for my next article explaining how this happens.

With all of that said, I do understand the impulse to react in anger. It can be very hard to hold one’s tongue under some circumstances, especially when Christians are younger and are eager to tell people what they have discovered (this can even be hard for older Christians sometimes). So it helps a lot to go deeper into understanding the mechanisms behind why we may react that way. To learn more about the dynamics at work behind the scenes in our psyche, read my next article (due out October 8th, link forthcoming).

Overcoming Negative Reactions

There are various reasons for encountering a negative reaction when witnessing to someone. The most common one is that Christians are often persecuted. But that is just something we Christians need prepare ourselves for. To overcome this, it helps to understand a few things.

One, taking the risk to open up and share our faith leaves our hearts vulnerable. So when someone reacts in anger towards us, especially someone we care about, we experience pain. We often feel exposed and rejected for our good intentions. We may even feel humiliated particularly if the person is immature and begins taunting us. Sometimes, the discomfort experienced by this shame (having experienced soul murder), can even put younger Christians at risk of losing their faith (learn more about this in the next article). So it is natural for those weak in their faith to want to conform to the world at this point in time. Conforming to the world may give them a sense of power and strength during a time when they are feeling their weakest.

If Christians don’t seek to bring back homeostasis to themselves by giving in, they may strike out against the person presenting the challenge in order to reestablish the balance of power they feel they have just lost. Experiencing rejection often leaves us feeling like a failure or diminished in some way. But this will less likely if we are well equipped to provide others with the specific answers they are seeking. If we are ill equipped, however, they can easily twist our words and make us sound silly (the Gospel is foolishness to those who are wise in their own eyes). This can be quite a humiliating experience. So it isn’t so unusual for the children of God to strike out saying, “After all, I’m God’s kid, I have the truth! Plus they needed to know how evil they were being.”

I know. Sometimes ya just wanna throw around a few “Woe, unto them…” scriptures when you get frustrated right? For example this one from Isaiah 5:21 is always fun to use, “Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!

I realize that these feelings can be very difficult to sort out in the heat of the moment. It may feel like we have come under attack and, therefore, must attack back. While it may be true, we are, indeed, facing spiritual warfare and, therefore, it is only natural to have this sort of defensive reaction, we are told that this spiritual warfare is not to be waged against flesh and blood. So hopefully what I have to share with you here will help some resist that urge.Defend the Faith

Check Your Motivation

It is one thing to want to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with others on the Internet out of love. It is quite another if we are being motivated by the need to prove we are right. Yes, we do need to give a defense for the hope that is within us. Bit we also need to consider our motivation for taking on the conflict before replying.

If we are coming from a heart that seeks elevation in order to feel superior over others, the answer will come off cold and haughty. They will know that we are not concerned about them. Many times that is, at least part of the motivation.

Needing to use such opportunities to get the upper hand over people proves that we are likely still in bondage to the world’s opinions of us and have not yet learned how to stand on Christ’s righteousness as we are instructed to do. In other words, when we enter the argument to prove that we are right, we are basically still trying to earn our way into Heaven.

In reading this, if you have just discovered that answering this person is fulfilling a need to prove you are right, that doesn’t mean you can’t answer the challenge they have prepared for you. Just go into it asking God to help you. Carefully weigh your words to make sure that you are saying them in love. Then, get your “need to be right” healed. Jesus wants to wash us clean of that need with His mercy and grace. He wants to set us free from a performance-based form of acceptance.

Being Prepared to Give an Intelligent Answer


How do you know God is not dead? Be ready with a convincing answer. Don’t merely tell people it is just because you know it to be true or saw Jesus one day. Other Christians may take you at your word because of their inner witness. But don’t be surprised if those closest to you, even your own family, won’t take you at your word. They rarely do. For some reason, those who know our heart best often don’t. Now you know how God felt when Adam and Eve didn’t give Him the benefit of the doubt. This hard lesson teaches us that we need to study Christian apologetics. We need to arm ourselves with knowledge to provide answers to those who ask. We also need to practice sharing our testimony with others so we get better at it.

Some Christians are just not as adept at speaking nor as knowledgeable about their subject area as they would like to be. But we need to practice, so sometimes falling flat on our face is the only way. We need to get a better feel how to debate others. But it helps to learn a bit more about giving persuasive speeches. Usually what we will learn from these experiences is that we need to gain more knowledge if we are to become a really intelligent debater. It is really important to get a better understanding of your faith from a variety of angles. Learn what people think about your faith. What is the scientific point of view? What do Mormons think? How about Methodists? Do I agree or disagree? And why?

But when a debate brings up difficult or bitter emotions that make you squirm, then you need to examine what is making you feel that way. This will help you work in conjunction with the Holy Spirit to ascertain how to get that part of your psyche healed, delivered, and transformed. Once again, watch for my next article for how to do this. I will link to it when it is done but you can subscribe to get a notification reminder.

Don’t be dismayed by these challenges. Ponder the things covered in this article then decide what it is that you need to do in order to stand up to the challenges to your faith with peace, love, and clarity when your faith comes under fire. Some resources that will help are as follows:

Christian Apologetics

Christian apologetics is what is is called when one learns how to defend their faith. A good starting point for this would be to check out the YouTube videos and books of these credible scholars:

  • Lee Strobel (former atheist and investigative reporter)
  • Dr. John Lennox (Oxford Professor of Mathematics)
  • Chuck Missler (Engineer/information scientist, former CEO & member of gov’t think tanks)
  • Peter Hitchins (brother of famous atheist Christopher Hitchens)

Here is a quick video of Dr. John Lennox for a sample of what to expect:

Dealing with Anger and the Need to be Right

Whether your issue is anger, the need to be right, pride, low self-esteem or you are just searching for a good Bible study to help yourself or others to get well on their way to being transformed into the image and likeness of Christ, this website, as well as the following should help. The book showcased in the right column of this blog is entitled, Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity through Emotional Healing. It combines my expertise as an adult educator (Master’s Degree #1) and as a conflict negotiator/mediator (Master’s Degree #2) and my thirty-five years of mentoring/coaching new disciples in Christ to help believers at any stage of development to walk in greater victory, freedom, and power. Learn more about it by clicking the link. above, and going to my other website: The Spotless Bride. Again, the upcoming article will also help (link forthcoming).

I have not found many people online who write about such topics. If you found this article helpful, please share it with others using the links below. You can subscribe to be notified when new articles come out. Either way, let me hear your thoughts in the comments as well. Thank you!


© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 3, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

Which Title Do You Like Best for My Blog?

October 3, 2014

dirty-bride-of-christ2Maybe you could help me out. Which title do you like best?

-Healing Christ’s Bride

-The Spotless Bride (original)

-or something else (suggestions?)

Comment below to let me know the one or an alternative suggestion you like best. I like comments best, but please try my poll at the end of this article.

Originally, I started this blog because of how ugly Christians were being to their fellow brothers and sisters on the Internet. They did this just because they disagreed with their particular worship style or beliefs. Most of the time, these weren’t major, salvation-affecting beliefs either. We definitely need to have discussions about these things, but hiding behind a login name so a person can take pot shots at others demonstrates major immaturity and completely turns the lost off to Jesus.

Understandably, the sort of freedom that the Internet provides to Christians to express themselves without being held accountable may feel really good after facing so much frustration after trying to share their faith in the past. Instead, we are to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) to one another. This is what foster true maturity. Wounding others with our bitter frustrations only stokes up the fires of the flesh and repels people away from Christ.

bride-of-christI seek to use this blog to address the root of that sort of behavior, promoting healing, dealing with performance-based acceptance, encouraging people to become knowledgeable debaters in issues regarding their faith, plus any other issue that may cause people to feel conflicted with one another over their beliefs. We also discuss relationship problems, Christian unity and accelerated transformation. Ultimately, the hope is that my book will be showcased as a valuable resource for helping believers be transformed. With subject matter like that, what title do you think fits best? Thanks for taking the time to sound in!

Levels of Salvation: Global Transformation through Unity

May 7, 2014

The experience of salvation in Christ is progressive and ongoing throughout a lifetime. ~Tracey Nelson, Accelerated Transformation


How does God transform the world? He starts with the individual first.

What does this process of global transformation look like? Here is a bird’s eye view.

[Please keep watch for my next article about the history of the Church where I will feature evidence to any doubters out there that Christianity changes the world for the better. Hopefully it will encourage the hearts of those of us who already recognize this fact.]

The Journey to Transformation 

Salvation starts with the individual first, reconciling him to God and his eternal destiny in Heaven.


Eventually, he is also reconciled to others as his own heart becomes firmly grounded in the love of Christ through grace.


But all of this happens gradually. It is a process of growing in his awareness of what is needed to be restored to mankind’s former glory. 


This means establishing his identity in Christ’s image.

Reflected Royalty

He gains greater awareness of his new identity by reading God’s Word. The application of this Word to his life is what transforms Him into that image.  


Like any child, he accomplishes this through his walk and personal relationship with his Father through Jesus (because the visual representation of all the attributes of the Father were in Jesus, our role model).


By healing his heart through this loving relationship with the Father (and, hopefully with a nurturing community of believers or mentor by his side), the new believer is better equipped to love himself. This helps to correct the destructive thinking patterns that arose from his wounds. These wounds had hardened his heart with pride. This pride had separated him from greater intimacy with God, others, and even himself. 


Consequently, due to the inner strength gained from this transformation, his health is naturally likely to be restored, his relationships will become healthier, his conflicts more capable of being smoothed out, and his financial prospects likely to increase.

new creation

Eventually his personal transformation progresses outward towards others. 


God’s grace then flows through his heart with love, forgiveness, and mercy, breaking down the walls of pride and removing the masks of insecurity, pain, and defensiveness that had once blocked these relationships.


In other words, people who are set free of the need to “be perfect,” have permission to “get real” with others. These people are more humble and therefore more approachable because they embrace their vulnerabilities, limitations, and weaknesses. And they don’t judge others for theirs.


Soon, with the greater strength and inner fortitude that were gained through this process, his confidence and trust in the Holy Spirit to help with the harder things of life grows.


This confidence, in turn, helps him take on the character of Christ which assists him in the resolution of conflicts with others; again, promoting greater intimacy, authenticity, maturity, and social justice.


These humble Christians are truly mature and basically about as close to being perfect or “spotless” in character as one can be, having conquered the inner demon of selfishness, valuing others ahead of himself.


It is not hard to see how this would promote Christian unity. 

CS peacemakers

Christian unity will lead the world to believe in Christ. How do I know this? Jesus already laid out His plan for world transformation for us:

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me... (John 17:22-23 NIV)

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (John 13:35 NIV)


Christians from every denomination and persuasion are joining together united in love in order to commit themselves to pray for their towns. Consequently, whole cities are being transformed.

Here is the evidence…

Manchester, Kentucky – Amazing story of an entire community’s transformation all because of Christian unity and prayer! It was formerly full of governmental corruption with a large percentage of the population on drugs.


Elsewhere in the world, after Christians from all faiths gathered in prayer, here is what happened:

  • In Cali, Columbia, the crime and murder rates fell drastically as the police uprooted long-standing drug lords.
  • In Kenya, all of the bars except for one turned into churches.
  • In Hemet, California, they experienced a dramatic reduction in occult activity as well as an increase in church activity.
  • In Almolonga, Guatamala 85% of the population turned to Christ where it once was full of violence, witchcraft, alcoholism, and crime. Now there are even Christian street signs and churches everywhere!

Sign says: "Jesus is Lord of Almolonga"

Sign says: “Jesus is Lord of Almolonga”



© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © May, 8, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

The Catholic Church Seeks Help of Leaders in Charismatic Movement to Revitalize Church

February 25, 2014

Please like, subscribe, and/or comment, below.

This is a short, seven minute message made by Pope Francis on Christian Unity spoke to the members of a Pentecostal Conference. But there is more to it than this. If you watch the whole video, apparently the Catholic Church has seen the need for a couple of decades now to revitalize their church by supporting the Charismatic Movement.

On the same day I found this video, I also got a longer version of it sent to me from the same conference. It was pretty cool how that happened. Something like that just does not happen every day. What I found so phenomenal about this was the back story given as to how Pope Francis even came to address this meeting.

That video is about 45 minutes long and well worth watching but if you don’t, here is the synopsis. Apparently Pope Francis is a Charismatic Christian. He chose the name Francis when he became pope because Saint Francis of Assisi was openly charismatic.

Copeland introduced someone he mentored years ago, Bishop Tony Bishop Palmer, who is now a bishop in the Anglican church. Palmer has been working with the past three popes for Charismatic renewal in the Catholic Church.

Bishop Palmer lived in S. Africa for years then was led by the Spirit to go to Rome to assist with the Catholic Charismatic Renewal at the request of the Vatican. When I watched this I thought, “Wow, the Vatican asked a Protestant for help!” Palmer also was in Argentina for a time and had become good friends with the priest there, the priest who would eventually become Pope Francis. It was because of this friendship that the pope called Bishop Palmer a little while after he was put into office. He asked Palmer to meet with him at the Vatican.  When Pope Francis heard Palmer was going to attend the K. Copeland leadership conference, he asked if he could videotape a message for the group of leaders. Here is the longer video.

Hint: There are four minutes in the beginning of this video with the conference leader, Kenneth Copeland, speaking and leading prayer, so you may want to advance ahead. This was a conference with thousands of leaders from very large Evangelical but also Pentecostal/Charismatic churches in the US.

If you liked this article, you may also like this one, “How God is Exploding Among Latinos” from Charisma Magazine.


Published on The Spotless Bride Blog, a blog with the mission to “Heal the wounded heart of disunity & immaturity in the Church.” Please include this blurb if you share this information so that we might encourage those who want to promote Christian unity. To support Christian unity please comment, like, follow and share this blog! The book written under direction of the Holy Spirit to help heal those wounds in an accelerated time frame is Accelerated Transformation: Maturity, Intimacy, and Unity through Emotional Healing by Tracey Nelson, M.Ed. Thank you and God bless!


© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 3, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).


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