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Sexual Purity Part I: Giving the Milk Away for Free

October 2, 2013

This funny music video speaks of the challenge women have with getting men to marry them if they “give away the milk for free.” As the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

In modern American society there is the notion that waiting for marriage before having sex is outdated and archaic.  Sex today appears to be “problem free” now that we have fairly fool proof methods of birth control available to us. And should any of those fail, we also have the “convenience” of the morning-after pill and abortion. Never mind the inconvenience of losing our Social Security system and crashing our economy, neither of which would be in trouble today if folks hadn’t aborted the 50 million or so natural-born American babies that would be paying taxes today. What about that little issue called murder? As a minister, I do want to remain sensitive to those who have made that mistake and are now sorry for it by saying this, we are told in the Bible to run boldly to the throne of grace in order to obtain mercy and forgiveness in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16). To learn more about how forgiveness wipes our sins away, click here. To hear more about abortion, click here.

Besides, as the justification continues, it isn’t like it was back when women had no job opportunities or welfare programs to insure that they and their children will survive if their father leaves their mother anymore, right? Women are much more capable of fending for themselves should that situation develop even if they are too moral to take the life of a tiny human being in its most vulnerable state.  Due to new rights and protections under the law for women and children, they are much freer to move about the world unhindered by fear and limitations.

What that means, is that marriage has basically become irrelevant. Since women have begun to be better able to support themselves and their children without the financial assistance of the father, as the argument goes, women certainly don’t need to “work at their marriages” anymore so they can survive.  What’s more, men can easily unburden themselves from the guilt associated with leaving helpless women and children alone to fend for themselves. Consequently, these days, regardless of whether their sexual fun and games end up getting them pregnant or not, if a partner doesn’t work out for a woman or a man by, for example, giving them all that they expect that the opposite sex is capable of giving them according to their fairy tale dreams, they can just throw them away and start all over again!

Oh, never mind the kids. “Divorce happens,” they say. Consequently, sex is now looked upon as more of a recreational activity than anything else. As a matter of fact, it has come to an  expected part of the dating “performance.” So say bye-bye to the days when society as a whole considered sex the ultimate act of bonding between two people who are promised exclusively to one another.

Did the sexual revolution, modern birth control methods, and opportunities for women, plus the new laws to protect them make the whole idea of getting married before sex an archaic institution? Was it just a rule society implemented for the safety and welfare of helpless women and children during an age when they were still considered second-class citizens?


Marriage still seems to be much more necessary to humanity’s well being than one might believe. People are still getting married despite the fact that women don’t have to rely upon marriage for their survival. So there is obviously something very basic and instinctual behind the desire to seek that level of intimacy and commitment out.

For one, most people recognize the need that exists within most of us to forever belong to another human being. For some reason, men and women all over the world are still driven to get married despite their ability have as much “fun” as they want with multiple partners without too much harm.

The biggest mistake people have made, though, is believing that sex is going to be problem free or guilt free. But it isn’t.

Women may not need men to survive any longer if they end up being left alone with children, but statistics prove that the majority of children living in single parent households live at a lower standard of living than children who come from a home with two parents. There is also a much higher likelihood these kids will be involved in drugs, crime, and get pregnant out of wedlock while living a life of poverty throughout adulthood.

What God Intended

twobecomelPsychologically, emotionally, and physically as well as spiritually sex is meant to be an act of love which helps two people become one. Sex demonstrates on a physical level what is happening on the spiritual and emotional realms of the human being. When two people marry, they are giving their spouse the deepest level of access anyone can grant to another human being. It is from this overflow of love that the potential for a new life is created.

When people have sex, there isn’t just the potential for a pregnancy, but human beings also become pregnant with the possibility of becoming complete… of sharing a life with another person who will become the only other major witness to our existent; the keeper of our most precious memories. When we are old, that person will hold the container with all of our most important moments inside. In the end, that person will be the only person who really knows us or deeply cares about what happens to us. But when we look at sex with others with no more meaning to it than what we give a recreational activity, there is no buy-in to our lives. That ultimate feeling of security and joy of belonging to someone else is not there. Nowadays, when people believe that they are likely to become yet another divorce statistic, they remain guarded with their spouse.

divorce children caso cerradoEvery time a person gives access to yet another person in a long line of sexual encounters, one more piece of their souls goes with them when they leave for another escapade. This exacts a great toll upon a person’s entire being; psychologically, physically, and spiritually. And if a life was created in the process, that child must now carry the burden of that loss, too.

So, if you are unfamiliar with the Bible or you put down Christians for their high moral standards and family values, think about all that I have said today and you might begin to see why the Christian world view makes so much sense. Many studies have proven this loose attitude about sex to have had a devastating effect on individuals, their children, and society.

Look around you and you will see people are much more insecure, immature, and walled off from one another than they have ever been at any other time in history. They are isolated and lonely. They are angrier, more depressed, fearful, and anxious. Ever since the Bible was outlawed from the school house despite over 300 years of its presence there, crime has increased exponentially in our society. We are no longer a lending nation. Now we are a debtor nation. We are reaping everything we have sown since we ran God out of our schools and government. So it is time for Christians who are leading dual lives to recognize how much their behavior is robbing from them.


© Tracey Nelson, M.Ed.

Permissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way and do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred. Any exceptions to the above must be approved by The Spotless Bride Ministries.

Please include the following statement on any distributed copy: By Tracey Nelson, M.Ed., author Accelerated Transformation , © Oct. 2, 2014 Website: The Spotless Bride Blog; (Some images, songs, & videos not owned by author).

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Diane Albino permalink
    November 7, 2013 9:13 pm

    how can people order your book. The link for the book is broken

    • December 2, 2013 7:38 am

      Hi Diane. Thank you for letting me know about the broken link. It should be fine now. To order the book you wanted, go ahead and try the link. Here it is for you convenience!goals

      If you have trouble, just reply to this message and we will communicate by email. Thanks again!

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